I’m at my father’s house on Long Island today.  It’s the day after Christmas – a holiday that begs reflection and nostalgia but today I’m also cleaning out my childhood room.   So much like Proust’s madeleines, little objects have been bursting huge dams of forgotten memories.  Here’s a list of some things that I’m throwing out that have transported me today.

1) home planetarium – I received this when I was six years old for my birthday.  It’s basically a lightbulb inside a box that has a little plastic dome with holes in it.  The holes show constellations in your dark bedroom.  My birthday was on memorial day weekend that year and we went to a Memorial Day party in Southampton at an amazing mansion.   I remember how sunny it was when i got back as sunlight poured through the window and my relatives at my house – which for whatever reason was a rare thing – and I remember how delicious the strawberry cake was that my mother had made.  It doesn’t work any more so I’m throwing it 0ut….

2) Colonial Diplomacy and Solarplex – two boardgames – These are two boardgames that I used to play.  Solarplex is a lot like Monopoly but in space.  My brother and I definitely preferred this to the real Monopoly since we were obsessed with space.  We played it all the time with neighborhood friends – on rainy days and snowy days – I remember one specific time we played it with two boys who lived next door in the apartment over our neighbor’s house.  Colonial Diplomacy, on the other hand,  is from when we’re a little older – like Junior High.  I really wanted to play this game but no one would ever join me.  I went through a whole period of wanting to get in to complex Avalon Hill boardgames but it was stymied because of my lack of playing partner.  My father entertained my notions by bringing me to a store in the city that sold the games that I so aspired to play – but I never did find anyone to play with.  I played Colonial Diplomacy once with my brother and some neighborhood friends but it devolved and became mean spirited and I never played it again.  They are both water damaged so I’m throwing them out…

3) Pork pie hat – In high school I got really in to ska music.  There was a ska revival at the time and as a 15 year old on Long Island there was always a ton of shows going on.  Long Island ska shows were very frequent and a lot of fun – and aimed towards the under 18 set.  There were a few other kids in my school who were in to ska – some of whom were awesome and some of whom were terrible but we’d all end up going together and having a great time – on the train, at the show dancing, and coming home.  One of the best parts of being in to ska is getting to wear the rude-boy uniform: dark pants, Doc Martens shoes, tons of stuff that’s two tone checkered and a hat of some sort – either a pork pie hat or a Kangol.  I had a short brimmed pork pie hat that I thought was the coolest thing ever.  At some point we sadly outgrow ska.  By the time I was 18 – even though I still listened to almost all of the music – I moved 0n to going to punk shows and didn’t don the ska outfit again.  It’s sad to think of how much we teens are influenced by fads and go through these phases – we become new people and then shed that skin almost as quickly as we wrapped ourselves in that identity.  I even remember now a conversation I had with friends about how we’d be going to shows forever and we’d stay true to the Two Tone Army and be way into ska our whole lives.   I haven’t worn this hat in almost ten years – I’m giving it to the thrift store…

4)  GRE study book from 2004 – After I graduated from college, I spent almost a year as a temp and doing part-time jobs here on Long Island.  It was a weird year.  Not being gainfully employed, being in a long distance relationship, a lot of strange occurances and living with my dad made it sort of a melancholy time but I also had a lot of fun.  My friend Lily and I were in almost exactly the same situation and we decided that we wanted to go to grad school around the same time.   So we studied for the GREs – the grad school entrance exam.  We took them at different dates in the fall of 2004.  We both studied very hard – Lily considerably harder than me however.  I remember though we both took a study break and went to a haunted house on Halloween which was on a Sunday that year.   It was in the old community theater and was actually terriffying.  We also visited her then boyfriends father’s apartment near the water a few towns over.    We both went on to success in graduate school…  The GRE book is now 5 years out of date and I can’t imagine anyone wants it…

There are plenty of other things that bring out more painful or happy memories but I’m not throwing them out necessarily.  I think I’m a very sentimental person – I have problems throwing things out from my distant past no matter how useless they are.   Or a present that someone gave me ten years ago that I have no interest in – I still feel remorse discarding of it – having pity for giver.  I guess everyone has that problem to  a certain extent – maybe?  Well today I’m doing a good job sorting out that which stays and that which goes.